12 steps to a better 'Glee'

'Glee' rehab

"Glee" started out with such promise, bringing laughter and tears each week. President Obama had the cast sing at the White House, but more importantly, they landed a gig on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Not bad for a freshman season. Well, is it any wonder it went downhill from there?

A glut of musical numbers, short shrift on storytelling and general inconsistency have taken their toll. "Glee" is not the weekly joy it once was.

Listen "Glee," we still love you, and that's why we've come together to help you. If Lindsay Lohan can do it, so can you. Rehab is not a dirty word, and we think that if you work on these 12 steps, we'll be singing a different tune soon.

Step 1: Look up the definition of 'ensemble'

Don't forget that "Glee" is an ensemble show. Yes, everybody loves Matthew Morrison, Jane Lynch, Lea Michele and Chris Colfer. They are all very talented. But so are Amber Riley, Mark Salling, Dianna Agron, Jenna Ushkowitz, etc etc. Spread the wealth around -- and not just in the form of love triangle

Step 2: Find your voice (and not the singing one)

Season 2 has had one identity crisis after another. Sure, the easy out is to call it a "musical comedy," but this isn't Broadway. This is TV asking us to come back every week. So aside from more serialization, the show needs a consistent voice. Otherwise, call yourself a sketch show already ... .

Step 3: Remember Mr. Schue is a teacher

Glee club adviser William Schuester did not start out as such an unbelievable creep, so let's try to reign in all of that un-mentor-like behavior. First of all, he should never sing with or to his students ever again. This would never fly in an actual high school. And though he apologizes for attempted thunder-theft on a weekly basis, he continues to crave the spotlight.

Then let's be really honest and eliminate the forced romantic storylines. Toned as he may be, Mr. Schue is not a sexual being. His romantic misfortunes with Emma have never been too compelling, and so much has gone wrong between the two, it no longer seems remotely appropriate for them to end up together. Leave the romance to the younger set.

Step 4: 911. Emotional rescue needed.

The standard defense from "Glee" when critics gripe about the characters' emotions and motives varying wildly from week to week is that high-school kids are mercurial. There's truth in that idea, but without some emotional baseline for everyone, it can feel like characters are being written to serve the demands of that week's plot more than any kind of larger story. The show has actually gotten a little better in this regard recently, particularly with Rachel confronting her immense capacity for selfishness. But it still too often feels that the characters are serving the story rather than vice versa.

Step 5: Nationals? Anyone?

The stated goal of New Directions this year is to make it to the national show choir competition. So shouldn't we see them, you know, trying to do that? Look, we understand that watching 22 episodes of the glee club perfecting their competition routine would get boring fast. But "Glee" has barely even paid lip service to the club's preparations this season. So far it's felt like very little is at stake for the club, and that's not terribly exciting either.

Step 6: Stick to pop

Musical theater is the bread and butter for every Gleek, this is true, but "Glee" tends to get caught up in the showtunes. (Case in point: Rachel's absurdly unnecessary "What I Did For Love" at the end of the Season 2 opener.) Certainly feed the Broadway nerds from time to time, but keeping it current will prevent the series' mainstream audience from losing interest.

Step 7: Time to set up a Parent Teacher Conference

Do these kids have lives outside of their one extracurricular activity? We'd love to see the rest of their school and home life. As much as we love Mike O'Malley as Burt Hummel, we assume some of the other kids have parents too. An intro to Rachel's two dads is long overdue, and we want to meet the people who raised Brittany.

Step 8: We need to hold a guest star intervention

A group of unknown kids playing outcasts -- that's why we fell in love with "Glee." Now, though, they're fighting with not only each other for air time, but a barrage of guest stars who want to be on the show and whose appearances have done very little to advance the story. Don't forget the talent you already have! Just say no.

Step 9: Refine the new kids

With so many of our old favorite characters hanging around without storylines this season, we were all set to say that it's time to ditch the new kids -- and then we fell a little in love with Sam Evans (Chord Overstreet). Instead, we'll say that if you're going to bring in a band of newbies, make sure they have a purpose. We don't want to be left wondering what Charice is up to five episodes after we last saw her.

Step 10: A little more Sue Sylvester, please

Her absences may be few and far between -- only two episodes, if memory serves -- but there should absolutely never be an episode of "Glee" without Sue Sylvester. Jane Lynch is the comedic kite string that keeps the series' loose storytelling and fantasy musical numbers from becoming completely inaccessible. And though the large cast clearly makes it impossible to devote too much of the plot to Sue, a little extra screen time wouldn't hurt. And we'll never have our fill of jokes about Matt Morrison's hair.

Step 11: Don't lose the plot

Theme episodes are fine -- centering an episode around one particular artist is a great idea. But let's not shoe-horn in themes just because somebody's publicist begs for it on the internet. This show does have a plot and completely foregoing what we saw one week for the sake of a tribute episode completely ignores what we love about the show. The plot should drive the musical numbers, not the other way around.

Lea Michele is the undisputed (musical) talent of "Glee," so why does the series insist on making her character such a despicable diva? Rachel's tearful confessions, gratuitous dramatic solos, self-centered antics and questionable bangs make her less and less likable with every episode. There's barely a trace of the pilot's charmingly unpopular teenager left in this musical Machiavelli. The solution: peppier songs, a solid four or five episodes without trying to manipulate her classmates... and maybe some nice, natural-looking curls.

Step 12: Shut up, Rachel

Lea Michele is the undisputed (musical) talent of "Glee," so why does the series insist on making her character such a despicable diva? Rachel's tearful confessions, gratuitous dramatic solos, self-centered antics and questionable bangs make her less and less likable with every episode. There's barely a trace of the pilot's charmingly unpopular teenager left in this musical Machiavelli. The solution: peppier songs, a solid four or five episodes without trying to manipulate her classmates... and maybe some nice, natural-looking curls.

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