2010’s Gayest Glee Moments

The very first time I wrote about Glee for VF Daily, way back in 2009, I called it both “the gayest show on television” and “the penultimate stage in the homosexual takeover of America.” But defying all expectations (and conventions), in the past 12 months, it has become faggier. This is truly cause for celebration! And what better way to show our reverence than with what might be the world’s gayest Top 10 list? Read on for our image-rich countdown of the Ten Gayest Glee Moments of 2010 (and a bonus: the unexpectedly Not Gayest Moments).

10. Slowdance [Season 1, Episode 16 “Home”]: At the roller rink cum karaoke cabaret that April Rhodes screwed her way into owning, the chanteuse ran things her way—and that meant, during couples’ skate, inviting the fellas to “grab a gal. Or grab another fella if that’s the way the good Lord made you.” Forget You, Gwynny. Bring back April Rhodes!

9. Straightening Up [Season 1, Episode 18 “Laryngitis”]: In a desperate and demented attempt to make sense of his sexuality, Kurt donned Carhartt drag, ate chili dogs, made out with Brittany, and sang what sounded like a Chevy-truck commercial. Luckily, he was awoken from this straight stupor by the taste of Britt’s lip gloss (root beer!).

8. Extreme Makeover—Basement Edition [Season 1, Episode 20 “Theatricality”]: In preparation for rooming with his lust object, Finn, Kurt performed a do-over on his subterranean lair, resulting in a Casbah theme that looked like something the Chechen Molly Ringwald would have done to her bedroom if Pretty in Pink were a plea for Muslim essentialism. Finn, rather accurately, described the renovation as “faggy.”

7. Gay Marriage [Season 2, Episode 8 “Furt”]: I hate weddings, and I’m no fan of churches, but even I teared up at Frankenteen’s bromantic altar speech at Burt and Carole’s nuptials. Still, I wish Kurt had gotten his wish, and they’d been able to release 300 live doves, fed solely on a diet of glitter.

6. Cold, yet Hot (but Still Chilly) [Season 2, Episode 10, “A Very Glee Christmas”]: Kurt and Blaine’s duet was as close to a perfect gay date as two show-trash-loving young men could get with their clothes on, though it prompted the question: What base is looking-at-one-another-with-the-kind-of-longing-that-suggests-that-you-might-soon-hold-hands?

5. Homo Hogwarts [Season 2, Episode 6 “Never Been Kissed”]: Our first glimpse inside Dalton Academy revealed exactly what we expected: a Bruce Weber Abercrombie photo shoot, just before everyone takes off their clothes. I smell chicken!

4. Rocky II [Season 2, Episode 5 “The Rocky Horror Glee Show”]: I challenge you to find one thing in this episode that was not as queer as a fake Louis Vuitton barrel bag stuffed with three-dollar bills.

3. The Situ-Asian [Season 2, Episode 1 “Audition”]: In which the natural wonder that is Mike Chang reveals yet another incomparable talent—abs.

2. The Full Etheridge [Season 2, Episode 4 “Duets”]: Brittany and Santana finally bumped spanky pants, bringing my second-most vital Glee fantasy to fruition. Sadly, despite the episode’s title, they failed to join forces to sing my long-requested version of Prince’s “Computer Blue.”

1. Chord Overstreet [Season 2, Every Episode]: In his portrayal of transfer student Sam Evans, Chord incorporated an alchemical mixture of adorableness, hunkiness, and shirtlessness that was like a potent bathtub batch of crystal meth: I spent each episode waiting for my next hit. Plus, he submitted genially to the most humiliating interview ever perpetrated, and let me shoot video of him driving around L.A., topless. Here’s hoping his obsession with on-screen personal hygiene continues in the season’s second half.

BONUS: Before you start complaining about my not including any of the following seemingly homophilic bits, allow me to explain why they didn’t make the cut.
5. Brittany/Madge/Gaga Episodes: Incoherent celebrity-themed stunt episodes deserve no rewards.
4. Sue’s Sue-on-Sue Nuptials: Narcissism is not the same as lesbianism.
3. Kurt and Rachel’s Babs/Judy duet: I still say it’s a mash-up, and despite Glee music supervisor P. J. Bloom’s sound advice, mash-ups = zero stars.
2. Bieste’s Burden: If a power-lifting bull dagger like Shannon Bieste can’t be a sapphic sister on this show, who can?
1. Karofsky’s Big Kiss: I adore Max Adler. But sexual assault isn’t sexy, unless it’s consensual.
source: vanityfair.com