With the possible exception of a two-year-long alien abduction, there are very few good excuses for not having tuned in to Glee at least once to witness a tracksuit-bedecked Jane Lynch nailing her Emmy-winning portrayal of Machiavellian cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester, the woman whose raison d’être is eradicating the glee club and its luxuriantly maned director. So, for the laggards, here is a précis on Lynch’s character, culled from the words of the preeminent Sue Sylvester expert and fan: Sue Sylvester. The daughter of “famous Nazi hunters,” Sylvester is the, uh, 29-year-old coach of Ohio’s William McKinley High School Cheerios who has not eaten a solid meal since 1987. She believes “angry sex” to be the only kind of sex, she once taught Sarah Palin in a cheerleading seminar, and she was part of the Special Forces strike team that extracted Manuel Noriega from Panama: “We took out the shepherd, and then we went after the sheep.” She opted to have her tear ducts surgically removed: “Wasn’t using them.” On her road to being named Splitz Magazine’s Cheerleading Coach of the Decade, Sue has overcome great pain and adversity, considering that she has been water-boarded, suffers from hepatitis and gallstones, has intentionally rubbed poison sumac on the underside of her breasts.…
“Hey, would you mind doin’ me a solid?” Jane Lynch says, sidling up to me on the sidewalk in front of the Kings Road Cafe on Beverly Boulevard in L.A., the spot a Fox publicist and Lynch’s agent had settled on for a Monday lunch in November. She’s on foot—the café’s just a short walk from the rented duplex Lynch is sharing with her wife of six months, psychologist Lara Embry, and Embry’s nine-year-old daughter, Haden, while Lynch’s Laurel Canyon home is renovated and expanded to accommodate her instant new family.
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